First Comes Love Then Comes Premarital Counseling
93% of American’s say that one of their most important life objectives is to have a happy marriage.
Many people believe a happy marriage starts with “the perfect wedding” because if the wedding is perfect, the rest should come easily - right? Wrong. While there are many different approaches, the consensus is that the key to a happy marriage is communication, conflict management tools and a clear understanding of the trajectory of the relationship as it relates to children, finances and especially intimacy and sex.
How Much Time Do You Put In Planning For Marriage?
While wedding planning can be an enjoyable process, working together as a team to make decisions, it can also feel like a stressful part-time job. A study done by Minted in November of 2018, found that couples on average from engagement to their wedding day spend 528 hours or 22 full days planning. Although couples have extensive conversations about venues, color schemes, guest list, caterers, photographers, etc., often what gets overlooked is setting up expectations and a foundation for the future after the wedding itself.
What Is The Benefit of Pre-Marital Counseling?
Premarital counseling is becoming more popular for couples seeking a foundational approach to building a lasting marriage because a strong foundation is a key component for success. PREPARE/ENRICH is a premarital counseling framework that helps couples build communication skills, conflict management tools, and discusses topics such as finances, children, and intimacy/sex. Couples learn through the assessment and structured feedback sessions more about the strengths in their relationship, and receive assistance in identifying areas of growth. This is a great resource for couples who want to be proactive in protecting their relationship and building tools ahead of time. “Research has shown that taking the PREPARE/ENRICH assessment prior to marriage reduces risk for divorce by 30%” (Stanley, 2001).
Why Do I Need Therapy If I Know My Partner Well?
Although some couples have a good pulse on the issues within their relationship, most only agree with each other on these issues 33% of the time (Olson & Larson, 2007). This means that there is always more to learn about each other when growing and building the relationship. The assessment and limited sessions help couples update their knowledge about each other, the relationship, their hopes and dreams for the future, and the areas that need attending to in the relationship.
Is PREPARE/ENRICH Only For Premarital Couples?
No, the PREPARE/ENRICH assessment and program PREPARES unmarried couples and helps ENRICH married couples lives. Marriages often have transitions and phases that it can go through. Whether you want to build up resources for when a stressor happens or feel you are in the middle of a rough patch PREPARE/ENRICH can help guide you through your journey. The top five areas that ENRICH research has identified as differences between happy and unhappy couples is ranked in order (Olson & Olson Sigg, 2000):
Communication
Couple Flexibility
Couple Closeness
Personality Compatibility
Conflict Resolution
What Do These Five Areas Look Like In A Relationship?
When couples report communication problems, it can be related to them not talking enough, having misunderstandings, or the way they are talking to each other involves criticism or putdowns. When communication shuts down or is not flowing smoothly it can be hard to work together and feel connected. The higher a couples' ability to adapt to change and be flexible in their roles, responsibilities, and view of problems the better able they are to cope with unexpected events and stressors. Couples feel close when they have a good balance between time together and time apart, and feel supportive of each other's needs. Personality compatibility is reflected in people not feeling controlled by their partner, that their partner is dependable, and that their partner has a positive attitude. When there is conflict in a relationship, happy couples report feeling understood when they discuss their problems. When a partner feels understood it does not necessarily mean that they feel that way because their partner agrees with them, but instead that they feel understood because their partner is trying to understand their experience.
Ready to Build Your Foundation For A Happy Relationship?
While the details and thrills of planning a wedding reception and ceremony are some of the most magical moments of one’s life, getting married is about more than planning the wedding ceremony, reception, and honeymoon. It's about creating a solid foundation for your life together as a couple.
At Flourish Mindset, we provide evidenced-based PREPARE/ENRICH methods to help you enhance your relationship and prepare for a lifetime together. Premarital therapy offers the opportunity to get to know your partner better, create a shared vision for your marriage, and assemble a tool kit of research-backed strategies to help you navigate conflict.